The short answer: Become the right person first, then look for four things: a walk with Christ, character, consistency, and counsel. Dating is for discovering God's will for marriage, and God is writing your story.
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What we cover
Answering a listener's question about what to look for in a Christian guy, Matthew widens it to the question underneath: what should I look for in a future spouse? Here is the biblical foundation, a four-part framework, and a personal story about trusting God with your story.
Why the purpose of dating is to discover God's will for marriage
Why becoming the right person matters more than finding the right person
Four things to look for: a walk with Christ, character, consistency, and counsel
Why how someone treats people they have nothing to gain from reveals their character
Why you're not looking for someone who never fails, but someone who knows what to do when they do
The same framework for young men, with Proverbs 31:25 and 31:30
Matthew's story of how God brought him and Fleur together from opposite sides of the world
Why singleness is not wasted time but formation time
Lines worth remembering
"Focus more on becoming the right kind of person than on finding the right person."
"Watch how he treats people when he has nothing to gain."
"You are not wasting time. You are being formed."
Take the next step
Ask yourself first: am I becoming the kind of person I hope to marry?
Read God's Word and pray today, and invite a mentor or parent to check in on you.
Write down the four things to look for: Christ, character, consistency, and counsel.
Be consistent. Give any relationship time before you draw big conclusions.
Trust God with your story, and keep growing in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man.
Common questions
Should I wait to date until I'm ready to marry? Dating as a Christian is meant to discover God's will for marriage, so date with purpose, in wisdom, and with the counsel of people who know you well.
How do I know if someone is the right person? Look for a walk with Christ, character, consistency, and counsel. Watch the pattern over time, not one impressive moment.
Is it okay to be single and waiting? Yes. Singleness is not wasted time but formation time, so grow in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man while you wait.
What if I'm afraid it won't happen for me? God is writing your story. Trust Him, stay faithful today, and be more excited about how He will lead you than fearful of what might not happen.
