The short answer: Healthy Christian dating has a clear purpose (discerning God’s will regarding marriage), progresses in clear stages, makes both people more like Christ, handles conflict maturely, and keeps standards that protect.
Watch the Episode
What we cover
A listener asked me, “What does a healthy Christian dating relationship look like?” It was a question often on my mind in college, so in this episode I share the framework I wrote down back then and still recommend to young adults today, including where I fell short with Fleur.
Dating is not recreational; it’s directional
A healthy relationship has a clear purpose
Five stages: friendship, friends with a focus, dating, engagement, marriage
Why clarity protects both people, and the young man’s role in providing it
The triangle: growing closer to Christ draws you closer together
Handling conflict maturely (and recognizing red flags)
Setting standards that protect purity and testimony
Scripture
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5–6
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” — 1 Corinthians 10:31
Lines worth remembering
“Dating is not recreational. Dating is directional.”
“The purpose of dating is to discover God’s will concerning marriage.”
“Clarity brings security.”
“Healthy love protects. Healthy love guards. Healthy love waits.”
Take the next step
Write down your own purpose for dating in one sentence.
If you’re in a relationship, have an honest conversation about where it stands.
Ask: “Is this relationship helping me become more like Christ?”
Set clear standards with input from God’s Word, your parents, and trusted mentors.
Share this episode with a friend who’s thinking about dating.
Common questions
What is the purpose of Christian dating? Not chemistry or fun. The purpose of dating is to discern God’s will regarding marriage. That makes it intentional, prayerful, and directional.
Is a breakup a failure? No. If a couple moves through one or more stages and concludes it’s not wise to continue, they have discovered God’s will. That’s success, not failure.
Who should define the relationship? I believe that responsibility primarily rests on the young man: to lead with intentionality and clearly communicate where the relationship stands and where it may be headed.
How do I know if my relationship is unhealthy? If it makes you pray less, compromise convictions, drift from Scripture, or neglect church, pause and evaluate. Abuse, manipulation, and dishonesty are red flags.
